The last four years of my I have really been struggling with something. I have been wrestling with myself and with God over this issue and I still don't know what to do. It seems like whenever I allow myself to get close to someone and once they start to become a bigger part of my life they leave. In one way or another they end up leaving. I have cried out to God and pleaded with Him to send me someone I can rely on.
Since coming to college I have made several friends. It took me awhile to feel like I had developed a friend base that I could depend on. Once that finally happened circumstances arose and that friend group left. I was left searching for some one else to call my friends. I got really discouraged when this seemed more challenging that it normally was for me. These passed few weeks I have been feeling better about the direction things are going. But it turns out everyone that I feel like I have started to get close to is going to be going overseas next year for various reasons. My heart is breaking.
I know God allows us to go through things for a reason. I believe he is teaching me to be completely dependent on him and not worry about those around me. I believe he wants me to know that he is constant and never leaves me no matter what, unlike the people of this world. However, I also believe that God wants us to have people in this world that uplift us and draw us closer to him. He created fellowship and wants us to have quality relationships.
I don't know why I keep going through this, but I have to cling to the promise that He has my best interest in mind. I know that He is doing great work in my life I just have to be open and allow Him to break me and change me, even if it hurts sometimes. And that through all this I will come out stronger, for in my weakness He is strong.
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