Happy and Free

A girls's heart should be so lost in God that a man must go through him to get her. 

Imagine a man that is so close to God he only looked up because God told him "that's her".

      These are things that I have been living by lately. I am enjoying life as it is and taking things as they come. Trying to enjoy life as it is and waiting for God to change it when he thinks it is time. I am just waiting for God to finish his work with me, although I know I will always be a work in progress. I am choosing to be content in the moment. Happy and free being single!  

Growing and Changing

   I went to lunch today with an old friend from home and we talked and talked it was really nice. She made me realize that I'm right, this is an important time in life. This is a time of discovery and finding out who I am and what I believe. I need to build my own foundation before I can add someone else to the mix. I have to go through experiences and figure things out for myself. I am going through a time of change and figuring out life and myself. God knows that and he knows that makes me vulnerable. He is keeping me isolated until I finish growing and changing because he knows it will make me stronger on the other side. Then when I am ready he will give me someone.

All Is Right In The World

       This is the week of finals and at first I was really overwhelmed but I just kicked my first two finals in the butt and I will get the last one in the morning and then I am done. It is a good feeling. I feel like everything is right in the world at this moment. The sun is shining it is warm outside (which by the way it really is, you know it has been cold lately when it hits like 40 degrees and everyone is sweating to death. Literally it was 45 yesterday and people were out sitting on the lawn all day). Finals are such a bittersweet time because they are stressful and you have to work your butt off in order to do well in them but then you also know christmas break is right around the corner. In two days I will be on my way home and then two after that I will be on my way to California to spend christmas with the rest of my family.
         This last week has been crazy because things got overwhelming and I started questioning everything but today has just showed me that I really don't have to worry about anything because God has it all under control. I just need to let go and know that he is working it out.

Under Pressure

        Being in college I feel this constant pressure to succeed and do well. I feel like my parents just want me to hermit myself and study, because so much money and sacrifice is riding on this, and I know that. But at the same time that sounds like a terrible and miserable life just studying all the time and having no social interaction with the outside world. I mean getting a degree is extremely important. But at the same time this age and this time in my life is the time to really live and experience life. It is time to have fun and enjoy friends and life because once this time is gone it is gone and I can never get it back. Right now I don't really have to answer to anyone I don't really have to worry about anyone else's schedule or anyone else in general. I could pack up and leave and it really wouldn't matter to anyone (although I am sure my parents would have something to say about it) but still.
        I mean I eventually want to settle down and have a steady life, but that doesn't really matter now. I don't know, lately I have just been feeling trapped and stagnant. I want some excitement I want to do something. Maybe I have gone crazy and cracked from the pressure because I don't want to let anyone down. I want to do well and make them proud. But I feel like I am faking it for everyone else's sake. I am unhappy and scared to death and I just get up and go to class for the sake of everyone else. I don't want people to be disappointed but at what price? My happiness? My sanity? I don't really just want to live life day by day just doing enough to survive. I mean how is that really living, just surviving. I don't really know what I am doing anymore but I know I will eventually figure it out.

Do You

       Something I have realized this week is how valuable it is to be single and to embrace that. I mean think about it, when in your life are you going to be able to pack up and do whatever you want? When else in your life are you going to not have to answer to someone else? I mean soon you will be married and have kids and always have to work your schedule around your family. This is the only time you will only have to worry about yourself. These are the years that you should value and cherish!
        Be you and value it! Find who you are and be ok with that. Have fun with your girlfriends. Live your life freely and adventurous and love will find you when it wants to. Don't be so rushed to get rid of your freedom and innocence, you will never get these years back  so don't throw them away so quickly. It is important to cherish what you have while you have it. Someday you just might want it back!

Love: You're Doing it Wrong

       People certainly go to strange extremes to impress people. I mean they will go out of their way to do something for someone and most of the time end up looking foolish and embarrassed, but all for what? Love? What is it anyways. I mean you can go through tons of jerks before you eventually find one even worth your time and then most the time that doesn't work out anyway.
      I hate watching people get together and their lives become consumed with each other they lose their friends and their lives completely change. They shut people out and they change, most of the time for the worse and it is ugly and terrible to watch. I can't tell you how many people I have watched this happen to. Sometimes I think people don't even know what they want or what they are looking for. They see someone they like and they go after them and they become their world. People are really disgusting I mean no one wants to watch you canoodle all over each other.
        I know I sound cynical but hey I am looking for someone just as much as the next person, I just question why and how people do it. I mean everyone wants to feel loved and accepted they want to find that place where they feel like they fit in. But running to someones arms isn't always the best place, especially if you are doing it just because you are scared of the alternative. Take time to be you and be single. It is okay you don't have to always have someone on your arm.
         People go from one person to the next because they are lonely and they don't like being alone but that isn't a great excuse. That isn't healthy and it isn't fair to either one of you. Take time to know yourself and to and be alone. That isn't a bad thing, and hey love may just find you when you least expect it.
   

Only Monday...

      Sometimes I just wish that people would mind their own business. I mean I know people are trying and they think they know the best for me, but sometimes you really don't. When people want you to do something and they are cramming it down your throat it can be stressful and overwhelming quite frankly, especially if you are fighting it and they won't let up.
      This week is just terrible and overwhelming anyways it is the week before finals. It is also the last week of classes so EVERYTHING is due this week and I even have some finals this week, which is both a blessing and a curse. I have tests and several speeches for my speech class as well as an oral french test. This week is really exhausting and absolute torture and the worst part is that it is only monday...