Craving Balance

           Yes. I am going through change right now. Yes. A TON of things are transitioning in my life. But I really just need people to act normal, be there for me and love me. While everything is changing I just need people to be normal. Something has to stay balanced while everything is flying around. And for the love of mud stop asking if I am okay! I am fine! The more people keep asking if I am okay the more and more I keep not being okay. Alright fine! I might be freaking out a little bit I might be stressed out of my mind but everyone stay cool.
          I apologize for how "off" I have been lately I have been a little snippy and a little stand offish. But I am dying inside and everyday that passes the inevitable stares me in the face a little more. The fact is, that I love all of you so dearly that leaving all of you is breaking my heart.

Looking Back at Home

       It is funny how I was so ready to get out of there. I was chomping at the bit, counting down the days until graduation when I could pack up and get out of that town. I would run away and never look back. I hated everything about it. I hated the area, I hated the people, the drama, the fact that everyone knew me and my business. I hated the responsibility and the stress. Yet, now that it is all gone, now that I traded it all, I really miss it. I know I have said it before but it is true, it is always the things that you take for granted, the things that you are so ready to give up that you wish you had back when you lose them.
      Growing up in that town, going to that school, made me who I am. It pushed me to discover myself, to learn, to grow, to become an adult.  It caused me to challenge God, and my beliefs, it forced me to look at my life and what I wanted to become. I absolutely love the people there, I love that everyone knows me, I love the town, the food, the culture. I miss everything about it. The view of the mountain, the field with the old oak tree, summers hanging out on the air strip. All the friends and memories made in that little town.  It is my home and it always will be.
       Every time I go back to visit it breaks my heart to leave. I am safe there, it is who I am, I am free to be me, it is easy, I don't have to worry, life is simpler when you are home.
    Now, don't get me wrong. I love college, this little college town is the cutest. There is nothing to do here, but that just makes you get creative, I have gone on so many great adventures with my friends, who have become my family. One day I am going to go back home and share that piece of my life with someone and I hope that they love it as much as I do.

My Friends

       As many times as I have felt alone in this world, neglected, completely and utterly forgotten. I do have to say that I have some of the best friends ever. They can irritate me to no end yet they make me laugh like no one else can. They tease me, poke fun at me but I know they love me. If it came down to it I know they have my back. They make life easier, help me loose track of time. They make life fun! 

          I can be snarky and bitter. I can snap and be rude; they know I am not perfect yet they still choose to hang out with me. They look out for me and care for me. They know when something is wrong and they care enough to make sure I am okay. 

      I am so blessed to have the friends I do and I am so happy God put them in my life! I don't know what I would do without them! 

Moments

          Life is made up of seconds that make up moments. Those moments are what define our lives. They are what make up our memories, they are what we remember.  Sometimes they are good sometimes we would rather forget. Sometimes we like to sit and count the moments rather than making the moments count for something.
         Have you ever had one of those time when you heard a song and were flooded with memories? It is like that song had memories attached to it and they were just waiting to be released. There are some songs that can instantly change your mood. Some can instantly change your bad day to a great one. Those are absolutely the best moments in life.

Super Hero

        I would just like to take a moment in the spirit of Mother's Day to talk about my mom. My mom is living proof that super heros are real. She has done nothing but give since the day I was born. She has sacrificed her whole life to making sure my brother and I have everything we could ever need or want. 

        She does nothing but give of herself. She is a full time taxi driver, personal chef, dry cleaner, maid, cleaning lady, comforter, dryer of tears, drill seargent, comedian, doctor, and oh so much more! She is kind, creative, loving, strong headed and stubborn, smart, and funny. My mom is my best friend! I can't even count the hours she has spent waiting in the parking lot for my brother and I get out of basketball practice, soccer practice, football practice, baseball practice, band practice, choir practice, piano lessons, bell choir, after school clubs or anything else my brother and I want to be involved in. Not to mention she came to all our games and performance cheering us on. She is my number one fan. She has been there for me through everything.

         My mom has always pushed me to be the best I can be. When things get hard and overwhelming and I want to quit she never lets me. She reminds me why I started and helps me through it. When things get tough She will cry with me, pick me up, dust me off and send me on my way.  And though we don't always see eye to eye I know that she only wants what is best for me. 

           I love my mom with all my heart! I don't know what I would do without her! I only hope one day I can be anything like her! 

Small World

     One weird thing about college is how different parts of your life start to overlap. You graduate and your classmates and friends scatter all over the country, all over the world maybe. One day you look on facebook and see pictures of one of your friends with another friend that you know from some other area od your life and you sit there and wonder how they suddenly know each other and how weird it is that they do. This has happened to me so many times and it is the weirdest thing ever. I know people from all over because of getting involved, or traveling, or just people moving. Then when two different areas of your life suddenly intersect it makes you pause for a moment. It is funny how we compartmentalize so much. We box things up in our minds, these are my friends from when I lived in Texas and these are my friends from leadership conference and when the two groups meet it makes us realize just how small the world really is. 

Life

       I don't know about you but I want to look back on my life and be able to say that I did something! I want to be able to share all the adventures and experiences that I have had. I want to experience life for all that it has to offer.
       Yes there are sad parts of life. People don't always stay in your life for as long as you want them too. Some people walk into your life and then right back out but you take that time that you shared together and it makes you part of who you are. Other people stay in your life for a really long time.
        Life is about change. Things never stay the same. People come and go. Times get tough. But that is part of living. As much as it breaks your heart you have to go through the bad to appreciate the good. Sometimes people have to leave for you to appreciate how much you love them.