Just For Fun

        My outlook on life has really changed a lot in the last four years, even more in the last 2 years. I am not so intense and uptight about everything. I take things as they come and roll with them. I realize that you can't control everything, that things don't always go your way. It isn't worth the time and energy to stress over things. You need to get out and enjoy life. What's the point of life if all you do is worry and stress and you don't have fun?
       That is what my life used to be. I worked all the time. Never did anything for fun, didn't have time. I worked myself to the ground. Worried and stressed all the time. I worked to please people, I wanted to do right by everyone. I had a lot of responsibility and I took it seriously. I would blow off friends and different activities so that I could work or just be alone because I was always so exhausted. I became depressed and upset because of what my life had become.
        If I learned anything from the last two years of my life it is that you can't take yourself seriously all the time. You can't work yourself to the ground; you don't get anything from that. Yes, work hard, take responsibility seriously. But don't make that your life. Laugh at things,  if things don't go your way, it is okay. Take time just for fun. Go out and do something just for the fun of it. If you don't enjoy life there is really no point.

Hamster Wheel

     Lately I have been feeling like I am stuck in a hamster wheel. I do the same thing everyday. Get up go to class, go to work, study till late, then go to bed, then get up and do it all over the next day! I mean I guess that is just how life goes sometimes but it can get really discouraging.

Home

      I came home for the first time this weekend. It was a weird feeling. Somehow I thought everything would be normal like I never left. It wasn't. It felt foreign and weird; life kept moving and changing while I was gone. My room felt foreign and empty. The whole weekend had a different and weird feeling. I am a visitor in my own home.
     The more I think about it the more I realize that it will always be this way. I will never truly live here again. Things will never be the same as they were. I won't go to school, come home and do homework at the kitchen counter while my mom cooks. I won't eat in the dinning room table with everyone. When I do I will be a visitor and I'm not sure it will ever feel normal again.
     It was really good to come back though. It was good to see old friends and rest for awhile from the business of school. It was good to not eat in a cafeteria. I would come home for a vacation anytime.

Tired of Third Wheeling

     The past few days I have really been struggling. Pretty much all of my friends are in relationships. I came here with one good friend that was single and we were going to find really good guys together. She found someone and I am really happy for her, but they are always together. We never really hang out anymore. I am happy for all my friends I really am. It is just hard being the odd one out all the time. I am tired of always third wheeling and being the awkward one that is just there because she has no one else to hang out with.
     I know my time will come. I know there is someone out there for me. I just haven't found him yet. I am just tired of wasting my time with the wrong ones. I just really wish sometimes that I could have someone to hang out with, someone to go on double dates with, someone to show off to my friends, someone to love me, and someone who wants to be with me. I just have to have patience.

College Life

       College is such an interesting thing. You study and do homework all the time, yet I am having the most fun I have ever had in my life! You meet the coolest people and you can just go and hang out! It is so much fun! This little college town is so fun! You have to get creative with your entertainment sometimes but that makes it all the more exciting!

First Week

     I have one more class and then I will have officially made it through my first week of college; although I feel like I have been here for months. Each day is different yet I do the same thing. Wake up, go to class, fit naps in between classes if possible, go to lunch awkwardly try to find someone to sit with, go to one more class, then run back to room, take a nap, go to dinner, then study in the library. I am starting to feel a rhythm. It has only been one week and yet it is ridiculous how tired I am all the time.
      I still feel like I am not making very many friends and that really irritates me because that is the one thing I was really looking forward to about college. I have been putting myself out there too, going to social events and sitting with people in the cafe. Yet I feel like I just casually meet people all day long and never really continue to develop friendships with the same people. Oh well it will come with time I guess.
     I definitely think that dare I say I have an easier major than most people. Although most of the people I know are either pre-med or pre-dent and studying A&P, chemistry, biology, or calculus, all the time. I just study my four little classes and then go merrily on my way.