Home again

    Well I have officially been home for 36 hours. Let me be honest, it hasn't been smooth sailing. Turns out that things have changed and gone on without me while I have been gone and it seems that there really isn't a spot left for me here. My room has become the dumping ground for unwanted stuff, my spot in the bathroom has become my brother's shaving station and it seems I have become an inconvenience.
     Everyone has their lives and their routines and I am somehow supposed to fit back in. There are many strong emotions in this household that I had forgotten about. Personalities are clashing and there is a struggle for power and control. Being home is nothing like being at school. At school there is always someone around to hang out; you can't go anywhere without seeing someone you know. Being home you don't know anyone and the closest friend is 30 mins away, not to mention most people are either in summer school or working at camp.
      I am left with the incredible task of unpacking school stuff into categories of things going back to school, things going abroad and things staying home. I am also working full time and trying to catch up with friends before I leave again. It is an emotional journey.
      Leaving school was an emotional challenge and now turns out being home is another challenge in itself. But the good news is that it is only 6 weeks and then another big challenge will come. And I know that as hard and annoying as things are now, I know one day I will miss it. So I guess I should appreciate it while I have it.

Movin' on out!

      I have packed and cleaned, said some goodbyes, finished my finals and it hits me; it is over. As I drive away I look back on the year and all the things I have been through, all the things I have accomplished, all the memories and friends made. I think about how much things have changed and how much they will continue to change. I think that is whats scares me the most, thing are going to change with out me. Will there even be a place for me when I get back? 

       This places has wiggled its way into my life and my heart and I have a feeling that it will always stay there, I leave a peice of my heart here with everyone who remains. 

       Thanks to everyone who has made this year great, dried my tears, and made me laugh! I love each and every one of you! 

The Packing Frenzy

      I am the worst at packing. I basically make piles of stuff and then move the piles around to different areas of the room. I put stuff in boxes and suitcases and then take it out again. Packing is awful because it makes things real. Somehow you can avoid and push away the fact you are leaving until you have to start packing. Reality comes crashing in and there is nothing you can do to make it go away. Studying, packing, saying goodbye, and putting up a stupid snarky front to keep from breaking down has become my reality. I do everything I can to avoid it.
     Pictures come off the walls, books get retired for the year, things get thrown away, things get put into suitcases and boxes to be loaded home. It is a sign that things have come to a close and that there is a new beginning around the corner.

Last Day of Class

      Today I had my last day of classes of my first year of college. It is really weird to think about. This year definitely had its ups and downs yet it went by so so fast. I remember there was a time when I thought this year could not end fast enough and I could not get out of place, but I guess that just sums up winter quarter for you. Spring quarter is by far the best time of year. It is absolutely wonderful. 

       Now that I have survived a year of classes, piles of homework, tests, projects, stress, and freezing weather. I am so happy that I stayed and had these experiences. I had classes I thought I would never make it through, I failed tests, I didn't do as well on things as I thought I should have. But I survived. I made it through. I learned a ton, questioned my major, and studied my butt off. I lost friends, and made a ton more. I had melt downs, shed a few tears, and had some great laughs along the way.

       As always looking back, I wouldn't trade this first year of college for anything. The people I have met and the memories I have made are irreplaceable. 

Things Change

       It is funny to me how much things change in a year. I came to college with dreams and ideas of how things would be. Yet a year later I see that things were really nothing like I thought they would be. Things changed so much from where I was as a scared timid little freshman getting dropped off in the dorm for the first time. I thought my life would be one way, that I would do certain things, be friends with certain people. Yet in reality most of those things didn't happen. I am not friends with the people I thought I would be, I didn't do most of the things I thought I would do, and I didn't expect to struggle with the things that I did.
      I am so grateful for the experiences I have had this year. Yes, they sometimes sucked and I shed my fair share of tears. I spent my fair share of sleepless nights crying out to God but I wouldn't be where I am now without them. This year has impacted my life in so many way. I have learned that things are temporary and you really don't have control of life. Things change and you can't stop them.
        God puts people in your life at just the right time, I am living proof that he does. Whenever you are beaten down and you think that you can't go on he sends someone to pick you up send you on your way again. He sends you friends to go through life with you, yes it is hard to see them go at times, but just as people go new ones come.
        I struggled with feeling accepted and needed for so long. God sent me friends that make me feel appreciated. Friends that make me love life, that I know have my back. It is hard to say goodbye but I know that God has a plan.

Motivation

     Motivation has left the premises. I am not sure where it went but it is long gone. I am about to embark on my last week of college year one and with that brings a whirlwind of emotion. Between studying for finals, doing last minute assignments, working on projects, packing and getting in last minute fun with friends, there is so much stress. So much to do and think about between now and then, yet there is so little time. If inspiration could hit that would be fantastic. It doesn't look like it is going to any time soon, so until it does I will just keep plugging along.