Fitting In

     I am really starting to get the hang of this whole college thing. Although it is really exhausting meeting new people everyday and trying to remember all their names. It is really fun. I am always trying to figure out where to go and what to do but each day brings its own adventure. I think I am really going to fit in here. I wasn't sure at first but each day things get easier and more comfortable. I have really met some interesting people here and I think it is going to be a good year. I really miss home when I stop long enough to think about it but I also have this sense of peace that God is going to take care of me no matter what happens.
     

Tired and Overwhelmed

     So I have made it through most of day one and I am already exhausted. I feel like there is so much I have to do yet I am not sure what. I am always walking from place to place. Going to this meeting going to that meeting. It is all so overwhelming. I am not sure what to do with myself. I am in my room trying to hide from it all, maybe if I ignore it it will all go away. I know that is not how life works but I like to think it does sometimes. It is just so tiring. Meeting new people, taking tests, exploring. It is all so new and exciting, yet a lot of work.

Foggy and Unsure

      Well the time has come. I have said my goodbyes: some very hard to do. I am unpacked and settled in. It is a really weird feeling. I am here a week early for freshman week and everything is quiet, there are not a lot of people around. My parents left and my mom texted me about a half hour later. She is having a hard time with this. I haven't really processed it all yet. I am still unsure of what is going on and what to do. Everything is new and weird. I feel like I am in a haze everything is foggy and spinning around me and I am just kind of standing in the middle of it all. But I know it will get better.

Learning To Trust

      These past few weeks have been a roller coaster. Time is winding down and the day to leave is coming. But somehow I have this great peace about it all. God has really been showing me that amongst the chaos he is there. I have been learning that when I focus on God things are better. He has to be your focus. You can't look at the things happening around you. No matter how terrible things may be focus upward, trust that he is in control- especially when you may not feel like you are. Let go of your problems and control. I know this isn't easy to do but it is worth it.

Different World Different Time

       I don't know if you have ever had to leave someone you love. If you have ever loved someone so much that you just wanted the best for them even if that meant not having them for yourself. I don't know if you have ever had someone that makes you completely happy. Someone that makes you feel safe. Sometimes I wish that circumstances could be different. That in a different world in a different time things would work out differently. You could be together. But because of the way things work out you have to let go. You have to let them be their own person. You can't tie them down. They need to grow on their own.

Lightning Outside The Window

          Tonight as I stare out the window watching the lightning strike across the sky and listen to the thunder boom and shake the house; I can smell the rain. I can't help think about all the time I have spent staring out this window and thinking about the future. I have done lots of praying at this window. Cried a lot of tears by this window, done a lot of thinking about life, boys, school, drama, family. I have watched countless rainstorms and countless snowflakes fall in the light of the streetlight while praying for no school. My life has happened on the inside of this window. As I listen to the rain fall outside it gives such a bittersweet feeling. The rain cleans and rejuvenates, gives the chance for a fresh start. Which is exactly what faces me ahead now: a new beginning.

Hopeful For The Future

      I have some of the greatest friends in the world. Unfortunately most will not be coming with me. I have just a few weeks left before I leave. I have been trying to take advantage of the time I have left. We have been having some great adventures together... although we always do! I am really going to miss them, but I am so excited for what this year will hold for us. Even though we will be apart I know in my heart we are going to have a great year.