Being in college I feel this constant pressure to succeed and do well. I feel like my parents just want me to hermit myself and study, because so much money and sacrifice is riding on this, and I know that. But at the same time that sounds like a terrible and miserable life just studying all the time and having no social interaction with the outside world. I mean getting a degree is extremely important. But at the same time this age and this time in my life is the time to really live and experience life. It is time to have fun and enjoy friends and life because once this time is gone it is gone and I can never get it back. Right now I don't really have to answer to anyone I don't really have to worry about anyone else's schedule or anyone else in general. I could pack up and leave and it really wouldn't matter to anyone (although I am sure my parents would have something to say about it) but still.
I mean I eventually want to settle down and have a steady life, but that doesn't really matter now. I don't know, lately I have just been feeling trapped and stagnant. I want some excitement I want to do something. Maybe I have gone crazy and cracked from the pressure because I don't want to let anyone down. I want to do well and make them proud. But I feel like I am faking it for everyone else's sake. I am unhappy and scared to death and I just get up and go to class for the sake of everyone else. I don't want people to be disappointed but at what price? My happiness? My sanity? I don't really just want to live life day by day just doing enough to survive. I mean how is that really living, just surviving. I don't really know what I am doing anymore but I know I will eventually figure it out.
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