If I fell off a cliff I am pretty sure no one would know for a while. I don't mean that in a feel sorry for me type of way, it is just how things are at this point. I am so lost; I don't know where my niche is. For some stupid reason I can't find that place where I feel like I belong. I always feel like the after thought; you were our last resort so we invited you. This whole situation is so aggravating to me because I am not like this naturally. I am not afraid to talk to people. I am confident most of the time. Making friends has never been something I have struggled with before.
I am mad at myself for being upset about this because in the grand scheme of things it is not that big of a deal. There are people out there that are dying, people with disease, people having financial problems, people with serious problems and I am over here whining that I am lonely. It is stupid I know. I need to just suck it up and move on with life. But at the same time, is this how I am supposed to live life? Is it supposed to be this way? I am not sure anymore, I am stuck in this cycle of what to think and do.
I have become almost numb. Yet I don't want to tell people how I feel because that is desperate and I don't want people to hang out with me out of pity. I question if this is really the right place for me. But how do I know what is? I don't want to go somewhere else and be even more upset and then not be able to come back because I lost all my scholarships. How do you find where you are supposed to be?
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